FIrst Date...An hour of nothing...kind of

So, my first date came and went. There was no awkwardness, there was no lack of conversation, and unfortunately there was no spark. None. So while an hour long conversation can be enlightening and an overall positive experience, friendship isn't really my focus is it? I know it was my first date and well basically my first date overall without using conventional means, I started to think about whether this method of dating could ever really be effective for me personally. I mean my date was a very nice, good looking girl, who seemed like someone from a good family and headed down a great career path, but her demeanor was very business like. This is what was throwing me off. My personality is whether I'm on a date, in church, or in the most uncomfortable elevator ride of all time, pretty jovial and engaging. I strike up conversations with strangers almost daily. So as the date began, I was engaging. She was studying, analyzing, and processing which in retrospect and with the help of Miss Matched became apparent that she was deciding if i was a right fit, before she was deciding if she was even having a good time.

Maybe the venue was not as conducive for a loose atmosphere (1pm on a Sunday was sheerly out of scheduling conflicts, remember we are coordinating my schedule and observer, expert, and Miss Matched) but again if you are concerned about the venue then you aren't letting your mind and heart be open for this journey anyway then right? Isn't that what you are paying 39.99 a month for? Either way I thought I should leave the option open for a follow-up "night time" date and we parted ways. Excited to go on more dates and meet more people. Like I said in my very first post, every date that doesn't turn into "The Notebook" is not a failure, but just another learning experience providing the tools to carry forward that you will need when that special someone does turn out to be a "match". -Mr. Matched

Pete's first date!

I finally got to be an observer! I cancelled my paddle tennis match when I got word that Pete was going to have his first Match date. I headed down to the city to grab a good viewing table. Jojo was going to meet me there...and alas.. Kim had something come up last minute so couldn't make it. The date was going to take place in a coffee shop around Union Square. I hit a little traffic but was determined to make it on time. Then I got a text from Pete who went early himself.. probably first date jitters (kidding) saying the coffee shop was small and packed...so go to the place right next door. Ok. No problem! But I wanted to see the reactions when they first met..which of course I missed. In the meantime, I go into this cute little vegan place and explain to the hostess that I am here to observe my friend on a date and could he have that table by the window while I sit at this one. She looked at me like I was a little weird but said no problem.

So I'm sitting and waiting for both Pete/date AND Jojo... thinking..damn... no one is here. I not only skipped my paddle tennis game but now I'm missing the Giants/Eagles...which I had a bet on and let's just say...yeah.. I don't want to talk about that! (Damn you Giants).

Ah....finally Pete and his date walk in. He sees me...which was hard not to do as I was sitting staring directly at their table. They sit and she orders a coffee. ( I on the other hand ...as only to kill time...ordered a giant plate of pancakes...)

Pete is looking comfortable. He leans towards her when he speaks. She looked like she was taking in everything he was saying. I could see her storing all the information in her brain. Thinking...calculating. Is this the guy for me??? There was no lack of conversation from where I was sitting although it definitely seemed like an information gathering session rather than a good time. Her body language was somewhat guarded, unlike Pete's. It was, from what I heard her say, her first date on Match as well. It could be that she appeared guarded only because I think it's a little scary meeting a strange guy. That being said....maybe she had her "team" near as well. Pete got up and went to the men's room. She immediately got on her phone. I get a text from Pete (from the men's room) saying he will walk her out and then come back and meet me to do an after date video blog. Hmmm.. Where is Jojo?? I give her a call. She is trying to park. I tell her to hurry as it looks like the date is coming to an end. Pete comes back and the Date tells him she has to go. She is meeting someone. They walk out.

Jojo finally gets to the cafe and comes in with a big flustered smile. She had just seen Pete and date walking on the street. That was unexpected! It took both Jojo and Pete by surprise, enough so that Pete dropped his phone! Pete finally came back in to the cafe. We ordered more food and did a video blog which hopefully you will see soon. It was a good first date..but I will let Pete tell you more!

On a side note... The hostess came over and admitted that she didn't understand what I was doing originally. She didn't know that Pete knew I was watching them and just thought I was a creepy stalker. Lovely!

Having the Power

I have been slacking, holiday madness and some extra time off.   Sorry!  Mr. Matched had his first date this past Sunday.   I was not there to observe, I did hear that she was nice but no chemistry.   And for a first date, it was painless.   I gotta get the chemistry for both our matches here, I do have to say that nice and normal dates is an accomplishment though.   I mean first dates and online dating can be awful, so just that we are at an okay point.  I am feeling pretty good. 

Note:  I have to say it's a powerful thing working the ladies for Pete.   It's so easy to ask like 10 girls out without hesitation.   Men really do have it so easy...yes, they have to get through the dates too.  But, there are so many women here in New York City, I am sure Pete would be able to have a date everyday if that was my only focus in life.  

More to come!

Thanks but no thanks : )

Well, allow me to clarify. I do stand by what I said that this is match.com and not friends.com. Now date #1 who has made it known that he would like a second date with Christie should kindly get the response, 'Thank you, you're a really nice man but I think that we would be better off as friends". It's honest and straight to the point, since this is about finding Christie a love match & not an acquaintance match. Don't get me wrong, friendship is key to any relationship but the chemistry has to be there too. I've had the experience of not having great chemistry when going out for the first time with someone on one hand but then went out a second time because there was definitely something about that person that intrigued me. Getting to know someone takes time but why waste time if you already know that the person is someone you're not interested in? NEXT!

Rocking & Rolling for both Miss & Mr Matched.

Just an update,  I have hit a stride with both Christie and Pete!  The holidays are around the corner so we most likely won't have dates until after the holiday mess.   I did a lot of searching for Christie yesteryday, specifically men who were 6'0 and over.   She needs a tall man, she is a tall lady.  This has been a problem online and I am sure most women in New York City not online dating would agree.    We have a shortage of tall men.   I say take off your heels and allow the 5'9-5'11 dudes in! 

Pete on the other had has major ladies on the prowl for him, it's been hard to keep up with the responses!   He had over 41 winks and boat load of e-mails.   I did get one response from a girl who mentioned she did not trust guys who only had one picture up.    I responded, which is true for both men and women online.  You should only have 3 photos total up online, people start to look super creepy with multiple pictures up of them doing hobby type things.   

As the expert,  I am very excited with all the traffic on both their profile pages.   

Some thoughts....

How are you doing ?First of all, I will like to say you have the most charming smile ever and if I am meant to present your picture in heaven, most of the Angel's will hide their faces in shame...And I feel so special reading from an Angel like you .

hmmm. That is an email that I got from a prospective date. Why does this not sit right with me? The Expert sends me the emails so I can kind of know what is going on. I told her to write back saying I really don't look like my picture. I'm a big fan of photo shop! I admit that it is hard for me to accept a compliment, but I think that one was a little extreme. I know...I know... We girls are so picky..and a guy can never do it right. He's either too nice or an ass. That being said.. I've concluded that we are all a mess. So basically what I am looking for is someone whose mess works well with mine. That's the million dollar question though. That's what everyone is trying to find. The perfect fit.

How do you know what the perfect fit is? Date #1 was a lot of fun and no shortage of conversation. That being said. I did not have that instant chemistry thing. Is that a requirement?? The instant part? Or is it a thing that develops?

I know that Kim said I was feeling like everyone that wants to date me looks like a grandpa. This is where it's a little tricky for me. I am used to hanging around...and yes dating younger men. The task here is for me to find someone outside of the music business -in the hopes of having a "normal" relationship. My "team" wants me to date guys in my own age bracket. There is definitely a difference between a guy in their late twenties/early thirties and someone who is 50+. Physically, let's face it...the younger guys do the trick. Intellectually, the older guys are much more interesting in terms of a conversation. Emotionally...it's a crap shoot who wins in that department.

I will have to listen to Jojo (The Observer) who said it seems that patience is in order. She also thinks I shouldn't go out on a second date with someone unless I have that chemistry thing. This is MATCH.com NOT FRIEND.com!!! SO What do you say to someone then who asks for a second date? Should I be direct? How do you tell a guy "Not The One". I mean ...literally...what do you say?? Especially if the date was enjoyable, but you know it's not "The One"

Lots of Single Gals in NYC!

There is a large amount of New York City single and beautiful ladies in their twenties looking for the right guy on Match.com.   I am hoping to have a few dates set up for Pete shortly, our Mr. Matched who keep in mind is 26.  It's a whole different ball game for him and we'll look at all these experiences over next few weeks.   

Not as attractive as we thought!

Christie calls and complains about all the Grandpa's that are popping up on her Match page.   She hasn't gone out with any senior citizens yet.    I agree with Christie a tad, it's true...some look older, many look not so normal, and tons are missing the hot factor.  I spent almost an hour this morning searching for more dates for Christie and I am having a hard time.   The biggest issue is, there are men who have never been married and are looking to eventually have children.   That is not a match for Christie and they aren't that smokin' either.   

I did match, that's how I met my boyfriend.  I remember a lot of unattractive guys and I remember attractive ones that turned out to be boring dates!  Chemistry was lacking.  However, the point was to get out there and meet men I would never meet if not for this online thing.   And who's to say that I was allowed to judge anyone? We are all looking for that chemistry.   I am lucky, eventually there was my boyfriend.   I still remember saying to him on our first date, "You are way cuter in person".   When does that happen?  Right!  It's usually OMG they do not look like their photo at all.  

Conclusion: We have to keep open minds and keep on dating!



 

Better late than never...

I was a little late for Christie's first date but to me it was perfect timing. Pretty much as soon as I walked in, Pete and I were whisked away by the hostess to a table with the perfect view of "THE 1st DATE!!". The room was filled with loud people & live music which made me a little less obvious as the observer. From my view, Christie seemed fine, happy really, in her element and Mr. Man (her date) was completely turned in her direction, grinning.

Wine glass #1, Wine glass #2 and uuuuhhhhmm (clearing my throat, as if Christie could hear me), bathroom break!!! I saw two lights go on at Christie's table...perfect, Christie was a mind reader, she requested a cell phone break and read my text message asking for a bathroom break so we could 'flip' and report. We were on a mission: she responded "wait 5 minutes after I go to the restroom". I thought "FIVE minutes", that's an eternity and Mr. Man might think something happened to his date. Well anyway, I waited a minute and met Christie in the bathroom and recorded something over the toilet bowl. She said "He's niiiiiice!" and the rest is on the video. Overall, this was a great intro to online dating. Christie was brave and bubbly. Was it a match? Sure. A love match? I don't think so, but it seemed nice!

Date # 2

I sadly missed. Work came up but Lisa was security for what I thought would have been a creepy date...I was worried about Christie on this one but all in all, I guess that one turned out fine too.

As these dates move along, I'm starting to see that it's not just about getting along with someone (that's the easy part, if you're social). Its about that thing...that thing that you can't buy, that spark that happens only by itself. I am patiently waiting like everyone else to see how

it all pans out!!!

P.S. The hostess was so intrigued by our "experiment", for all you know, she might just have our expert, Kim, set her up!

The Observer

Week 1 thoughts from- Mr Matched

On Miss Matched (Christie) dates

From an observer's perspective and well a man's view this online dating thing is more interesting to me initially than practical. There is so much nervous energy brewing at the onset because you have never interacted with this person, unlike dating offline where you ask someone on a date who you have seen and interacted with. This nervous energy seems to be an early distraction where you are questioning will the date look like their picture, etc. I was impressed by our Miss Matched however she channeled this energy and really took the first date that I observed to a comfort zone early on. But if you aren't attracted to the date off the bat, now what? Thats what I'm personally terrified about. You spend your time and (money) sifting through dates and finally deciding on somebody to spend a night of your hectic week with and what if in the first second before you have even had a drink there is NOTHING. Then what? I guess I'll find out this week.

DATE #2

I am having no success in getting these video updates onto the blog! I will keep trying. In the meantime let me update you on Date #2

I was really tired on Friday and had a splitting headache. Not really a good start when meeting someone new. I was to meet the guy I had spoken to on the phone. The one I was a bit nervous about because he came across as kinda creepy to me. He is out in Westchester so that is where we were going to meet. Only thing is the rest of the "team" is in the city so I was a little uncomfortable to go alone given this guys comments. That being said, I have another friend in the music business (Lisa) who I know occasionally comes out to Westchester on the weekends to visit her parents.. ok...I'm going to ask her if she is available to hang at the spot Date #2 chose. She totally came through for me....and it was hilarious!. She asked her parents if they could just eat at our chosen spot instead of where they had planned and they said no problem! Lisa gets there before I do...and before the date. She has already explained what is going on to the hostess who was happy to accommodate with tables in close proximity to each other. I'm talking to Lisa at the bar and Date #2 walks in. Hey nice to meet you... this is my friend Lisa. He says..oh is this a set up?? Lisa was like..what are you talking about?? Anyway I'm here with my parents we're sitting over there...there's a great table right there if you guys want it. No. Date #2 wants to sit at the bar. Lisa disappears. Have no idea where she is sitting. So I order a drink..as does he. He said ok.. I'm going to read your palm now. Things must be pretty bleak for me because he didn't have to much to say except which lines were which. OK....moving right along..... Then he wanted to give me a little pop quiz. Ok..why not. He asked me a bunch of questions and then told me what all my answers meant. He said he had read a book about all these things you can do as ice breakers. I don't have a problem with that either. We chatted, and laughed..and had some moments of huge distraction due to our location at the bar.
Date #2 has been doing Match for a while. He is actually a nice guy.. with some admirable qualities..but this is where I need help from The Expert. I am terrible at dating. I go out with people I like from their energy when I meet them. I had no attraction to this guy at all. So what do you do? Just sit there and be polite? Don't you know right away if you like someone? And then..is it best to be direct? I know everyone is nervous..but the whole thing is pretty weird to me. Also..I guess you need to know what you are really looking for. Anyway..
I realized..I'm supposed to meet Lisa in the restroom..for the update. I had no idea where she was but when I got to the ladies room there she was! Apparently Lisa and her parents had moved to a table that was upstairs looking down over at us. Lisa seemed more excited than I was! She had even taken pictures from up above! Yikes. She said her dad was starting to get annoyed because Lisa and her mom were ignoring him and just watching the date. Lisa thought it looked like it was going well. Her mom said...She doesn't look in to him at all!! Mom was right!!!
We did our video in the bathroom...(hopefully I can figure out how to put it up) and then I headed back to the bar. I was trying to hear about him but every time I tried to turn the conversation in that direction he had another pop quiz for me! Next thing you know Lisa came and joined us at the bar! (Her parents had left) I was so relieved. The Date kind of looked at me like ???? Lisa was asking..so how do you guys know each other?? Perfect question Lisa!! That lead to a conversation about how many people do online dating etc. among other things. Then Lisa started showing the Date pictures of Motorcycles on her Droid. I was dying. Not sure if he was in to that or not..but I thought their conversations were going better than mine. Hilarious. If only I had the camera running then!
Finally Date #2 and I decided the date was over. It was awkward. I thanked him..standing about 5 feet away from him. We both knew there was nothing there. Lisa was still at the bar! THANKS Lisa (and parents)

Proud Momma

This is what happens when you put entertainment people together on a project, one always has something come up.   I ended up stuck at a photo shoot until 11:30pm the night of Christie's first date.   For us BB IM to the rescue...Christie was able to update me often.   Why am I proud?  It takes a lot of energy to go on two dates with strangers back to back.    Bravo!  

Christie followed one of my tips without evening knowing, its best to set up two dates per week in order  to maximize your membership.   I know this is sometimes hard with schedules and the stuff you are working with on match, it doesn't hurt to try and focus on 2 dates per week.

2nd date tips:
If you were okay with your first date and had a decent time, go on one more date with your match.  We tend to want that lusty feeling all on the first date and sometimes it takes a few to see there are some sparkles or weed the match out entirely, moving on to the next.  



 

DATE #1

Good Morning....I mean afternoon :) So I went on my first date last night. I had to take the train into the city and it's pretty hard for me to get out of the office on the early side in general. Trying to catch a certain train was a challenge. Of course when you have to be somewhere, those are the times when all these extra, last minute things come up at work. I had about 15 minutes before I had to run to catch my train and of course my boss said .. Oh Christie we need you to put a quick background vocal on one of the tracks our artist is recording. No problem. I sing and race out the door..forgetting to grab my make up which I was going to apply on the train. Oops. Guess the date would have to like the real me! I find the bar that The Expert recommended and it was very loud and dark (good because of the make up thing) and crowded. How the heck was I going to find this guy? If he shows up at all! Then Pete got there. Mr Matched! (Hey Pete can't wait for you to have your turn at this while I sit all relaxed on the other side of the room spying) He got himself a drink and I didn't, thank God... because I made up for it when the date began. Date #1 was just as tall as he said he was on his profile.... that's a good start. We finally got seated and started our conversation. The conversation came pretty easily. I thought it was interesting that he said I seemed like I would be serious from my profile...and that instead I act more like a 16 year old. Wait....is that what he thinks my intelligence level is?? I can see Pete (Mr Matched) and Jojo (The Observer) have secured a table across the room from me...with a clear view but obviously not able to hear what is going on. I glanced over there only a couple times and Date #1 was very astute. He said... Do you know someone here? Uh No... just looking around. Then he said...You're funny....you should write a blog! My response.... I'm really not that funny! Conversation continues and then I make a trip to the ladies room to update Jojo on how the date is going......

So back to the table. I actually don't have any funny stories. Date #1 was a really nice, smart, seemingly normal guy! And this blog is actually not about the guys on the date...but more about what I can learn about myself from them. I left the date about 4 hours after it started...so there was definitely no short supply of conversation. I do think next time I should try to talk a little less. I kept asking about him...but he wanted to hear about my business. That is somewhat of the trap we can be in. Some people are intrigued with the perceived glamour of what I do....vs. who I am. I need to work my way around that. He asked for a second date. Expert, what are the rules for that???

On another note.... I am meeting with Phone Guy #1 tonight. Kind of nervous. Was forewarned via one of our blog followers "Casual Observer" that this guy could be a little creepy. So I go with caution!

First on site....Who will draw first blood?

I have a feeling that I will be the first from the blogging team that will arrive and be available to comment on the awkward/nervous first exchanges between Christie and mystery man. Obviously meeting someone for the first time in any circumstance can give you the willies. Weird pauses and awkward laughs will happen. Initial judgment on first sight will happen. But you meet people, for the very rare chance that none of these first date jitters mean a thing because you eventually fall into a comfort zone with someone you actually like to spend time with. I think sometimes as "daters" we forget that it's ok if someone is not actually perfect for you. It doesnt mean that you wont learn something from having a conversation with them or interacting with them can lead you to knowing exactly what you want. Meeting someone who's wrong might actually turn out in the long run to be right......Just a parting thought. See you tonight

First Date Tonight!

So tonight will be the first date of our social experiment! Yikes why am I nervous?? Who has The Expert set me up with? Let me reiterate why she is setting me up and why I am not picking my own dates. We all tend to always pick the same kind of person. Even though they might be wrong for us. Kim is here to get me out of my own box. I see she recommends having a drink at the bar before he gets there. That might be dangerous. I'm kind of a light weight when it comes to drinking. She says he will find me.. yeah! I'm the one who's asleep on the bar...possibley drooling! Anyway this will be interesting. The guy says he's 5'10". Does that mean he's really only 5'7"? I'm pretty tall and these are TOTALLY MY issues.. but when a guy is shorter than I am for some reason I feel like an amazon woman which, blame it on my upbringing... is not a comfortable feeling for me. So what's the big deal here? I'm just going to meet a total stranger for a drink. I can do this.

On another note...yeah...I should have blocked my number when I called that other guy a couple of days ago. He just called me at my office! We have a date tomorrow night..but something is a little creepy with this guy. I'm sure he is nervous too, but there are some things that one should just not say to someone they don't know at all! His first line was harmless but really goofy. I read palms...and the added benefit is that I can hold your hand. cute. (not really)

Then he went a little too far in my opinion. He went on to say..I'd like to do more than that. Uh..dude... no. WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET!!

So that's it for now. Check in with you later!! After my DATE!

First Date Tip; From The Expert

Those match.com dates make everyone nervous.  My advice is to arrive at your date location 15 minutes early, sit at the bar, order one cocktail, and take a deep breath.   This is will take the edge off and leave it to the man to find you.   He will!  And if he happens to be doing the same thing, it's a conversation starter.   Don't not exceed one cocktail before your date arrives.   You do not want to have sloppy wine breath.  

So let's see...

Let go of all perceptions, keep an open mind, don't judge, be yourself, let go, don't think negative thoughts, hope for the best, don't expect the worse and don't forget to smile in order not scare anyone away. I think that's what you do in preparation for a date with a stranger, right? Well that's what I keep thinking about while hearing Christie brace herself for her upcoming date. Christie is funny, beautiful and just ready for this, well, I'm not sure about the ready part but taking the leap into online dating with the guidance of The Expert sounds exciting. I'm excited because I'll just be around, sheepishly observing and commenting because I haven't yet found the courage to do this myself. I'm still offline dating, or NOT dating.... : )

Well, we'll just see how the date goes, stay tuned!

RULES from The Expert

Here's an issue, men in Christie's age range like the telephone.   It's one of my rules not to have phone conversations before the actual date.   The problem here is that you might think you really like the person's voice, have great banter back and forth, but then finally meet and it's a bust!  The thing with match is, people also use old photos.   At the end of the day, personality is important but you want to meet someone you are attacted to physically.  The best situation going into this is to have a few e-mail exchanges and set up your cocktail or coffee date immediately.  Lingering is not ideal with internet dating, you have to cut right to the date!   Advice, save meal dates for the 2nd or 3rd date.  

Note:  The Expert has e-mailed with one of Christie's matches only, date is set up for this week, no phone conversations.   Fingers crossed, the goal here is to have a nice first date and make this online world for her not so creepy or nerve wracking.    The most important thing is also to have Christie meet men not in her work world.   The entertainment field is not a place for finding a relationship of really any kind.   More on that later!

Christie...Dials

ok...time for an update... It seems that these guys that "The Expert" is emailing for me.. just want to talk on the phone. So they have given me/her their number and then it seems that when I didn't get right back to them I was called immature and a few other things. I won't debate any of that but come on! It was thanksgiving! It's not like I was sitting home alone with nothing to do!

That being said.. I got the nerve up to call one of the guys. Why was I so nervous?? Yikes! ok so I dial..and ..answering machine. I leave some really short message saying something like... Oh hey.. sorry it has taken me so long to call...work has been crazy.. I will call you back when I can.

Of course I dialed *67 so my number would be blocked. He sent another "match" email saying he was in a meeting and we really should get together "so he could take advantage of me" ??? What??? The Experts response was "Agreed :)" Ok Kim. What are you setting me up for!!

I didn't try him again until today. so i dial...and then.. CRAP!! I forgot to to dial *67!! UGH! HE picks up and I say "Hey.. It Christie from Match" "Oh hey....seems we are both really busy" he says. Then he starts asking me a zillion questions about what I do. Can't we save that for the date??

"The music industry must be so much fun"

"Yeah it's a pretty fun job. So lets figure out when we can get together.. I'm not really sure how this works. You are the first person I have spoken to"

"Oh.. yeah i seem to get that a lot"

" Uh...NOT the first person I have dated since being divorced!! just on Match...i'm new to Match!!"

"Oh well we should get coffee or a drink. Can you do it next week?"

"I'll have to check my schedule..The weekdays are hard because I have a lot of work events in the evening."

"Wow.. you can bring me and I can be your arm candy"

"............................................................" "Uh...yeah ha ha ..uh I have never brought anyone to work events....because I'm WORKING"

Why is this so hard?? Expert....I am not good at this!!!

I have to get back to him with a time we can meet...